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Archive for the ‘Q&A from the Pop Vultures’ Category

In case you simpletons haven’t heard, the Pop Vultures is the Internet’s premier question and answer blog.  Readers from all over the world send in their questions to the Pop Vulture’s Panel of Experts.  Each expert is a master in his or her respective field.  A new column on the Lip, each week we’ll be posting some of the more touching Q&A’s for your benefit.  Enjoy!

I had sex with my friends dad last week, and I’m not really sure how to go about telling my buddy. I mean we were always best friends growing up, playing baseball, soccer and all kinds boyhood things. Things did change as we got older and I went to college and started experimenting, we stopped talking a little, but I still consider myself fairly close to him. How should I tell him that his Dad and I are an item?

Phil, San Fransisco, CA

Sexpert, Dr. Joyce Smotherbox

Dr. Joyce Smotherbox replies:

You are in a very difficult position Phil. Not so much with your best friend, but rather because you are a pickle smoker.  Will your friend be more pissed that you are fucking his father or that he may have changed in the same locker room as you while playing some of your boyhood sports?  I mean, chances are he knows his father is a homo because his parents are divorced and he now calls his fathers’ best friend “Uncle Henry.” I’m sure he has been rifling through his fathers drawer, perhaps trying to steal a little money for cocaine, when he stumbled upon a dildo with shit stains on it. And he’s probably not stupid and has put two and two together.

But just think of the the trauma you will inflict on him when he thinks back to that time after the big baseball game where you hit a walkoff homerun and he was the first to meet you at the plate after you rounded the bases and you two embraced and he felt a little poke in his leg but he figured it was just your cup until later when he noticed you weren’t wearing a cup but he just shrugged it off.

Or how about that time you two showered together after football practice and you made the comment, “Nice Penis.” Sure, he thought you were just fucking around then, but what is he going to think now. He won’t be able to get the thought out of his head that perhaps you went home and beat off while thinking about his meat stick.

If you really love his father, you are by no means required to stop seeing him. Just know it will probably mean an end to your friendship. If this is just a fling, because you like to get pounded in the ass, perhaps you should put an end to it before you lose your friend.  Even though you’d be doing him a favor if you broke off the friendship. I mean who wants to be friends with a fudgepacker. The Doctor is out!

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