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Archive for the ‘Lifestyle: add illicit drugs et voila’ Category

It’s like, there used to be all these hip girls in checkered pants, man. But, like, where did they all go? I’ll tell you man. All these cats were out there dancing and having fun in their checkered pants, and the Man can’t abide that, no sir, man. So the Man goes to his government lap dogs and says, “make these checkered pants go away.” And voila, man. No more checkered pants.

And the crazy thing, man – are you ready for it? – the really crazy thing is this: it’s all a metaphor. Whoa! Check it out – so the checkered pants are like a metaphor for our rights, man, get it? And then the Man is like a metaphor for… Like, did you ever see that movie Metropolis and the dude lives in the tallest building in the city and runs everything. Oh man, and that’s like a metaphor too! There’s like metaphors on top of metaphors. I can’t take this, man. Quick, pass me that joint…

So, what was I saying? Oh yea, so I have this reoccurring dream where I’m making out with Grace Slick – yea man, the Chrome Nun herself…

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… what d’ya mean it’s thursday…? really! shit, I gotta smoke less pot.

from The Hood Internet

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I know this is a dubbed retro vid, but I’m pretty sure Ladies’ Night at most Greenpoint bars looks about the same. Maybe the irony is just a little more deliberate.

Also good.

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You’re fucking right I’d subscribe.

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more random internet stuff to come… probably

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In honor of this holiday we would like to aid you in celebrating this rich and illustrious culture.  A quick history lesson: Cinco de Mayo means 5th of May, or May 5th.  Now that we’re past the boring part let’s take a look at all the ways we can help you to have the best Cinco de Mayo ever.

1. Music & Dance

It’s nearly impossible to think of Mexico without a vision of dance and music.  I can’t imagine the Merengue, Salsa or the Santa Maria without accompaniment and vice versa.  As most of the country doesn’t own shoes, different dance act as their Nikes and Pumas and express style and emotion (just like shoes) and it is not uncommon for the entire country to break into a spontaneous, Matrix Reloaded barefoot rave party.  And to what do they dance you may ask?  Traditional Mexican music!  Common instruments include finger symbols, maracas and twangy guitars played by mariachis to the tunes of “La Cucaracha,” “Jarabe Tapatio (or Mexican Hat Dance),” and “How Bizarre.”  Even couples sing duets as Enrique Iglesias and Ricky Martin do.

2. Visit

One of the first places across the border is the sleepy town of Tijuana.  Much like a country bed & breakfast, TJ (as so lovingly nicknamed) is as quaint a place as quaint can be with Mom & Pop shops on every corner and not a sin to mention.  Not much to see, not much to do but I’ve heard that donkeys put on plays which sounds downright entertaining.  A huge family destination can also be found in Cancun.  Aside from the many top quality restaurants, there are beaches and shops and many appreciative and satisfied daughters as “yes daddy” and “give it to me daddy” can be heard from a vast majority of the luxurious hotels.  Here you can immerse yourself in the culture by purchasing the traditional garb: ponchos, sombreros and mustaches.  If you venture outside the beaten path and are lucky enough you may even stumble across the national animal, the Speedy Gonalez!

3. Activities

There is so much to do in Mexico but I can recommend a few of the most popular.  A favorite of the locals and the health-conscious tourist, try your hand at a little manual labor.  Between factories and farms there are plenty of options to work up a sweat and burn those rascally carbs.  There is even a job where you get to play a mule!  For another vacation of the destination sort find yourself a coyote and trek across the border just like a real immigrant.  Cacti, jaguars and scorpions make for a life-like experience.  Just don’t let the border patrol catch you!  And finally, my favorite and something you can do at home, try adding -ues and -uez to the end of words.  Itues isuez the greatestuez timeus!

4. Food and Drink

Last but most certainly not least and a very integral part of any culture, the food.  Oh the food!  From the most common tacos, nachos and fajitas to the just-as-delicious tortda, chalupa and quesadilla you can’t go wrong.  To wash down these delicacies try any of the traditional beverages: margaritas, sangria, Corona or Dos Equis.  These are guaranteed to match any meal and are the American equivalent of water or Gatorade and are Aztec approved.

To show my respect for the culture, I have even colored the text of your options to the Mexican flag: brown (ground and spiced beef), yellow (tortilla), green (lettuce and guacamole), red (salsa) and, this, white (sour cream).

I hope you enjoy your Cinco de Mayo as much as I have and celebrated Star Wars Day yesterday – May the 4th be with you.

Tiene us bueno Cinco de Mayo!

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